Im officially in my third trimester, Im almost at the finish line. As any mother of two will tell you, the second pregnancy goes by much faster and is completely different than the first go around. With my first pregnancy I was a complete train wreck. I had zero control over what I ate, my nose got fatter, my eyelashes got extremely short and I stopped wearing my wedding ring within my second trimester. I kept reminding my husband who wanted 3 children with me that this was my first and last time doing this. I couldnt imagine going through it again. I looked 7 months pregnant when I was 4 months in, my belly, legs and arms grew fast and I purchased every belly lotion, stretch mark ointment that was on the market. I even started rubbing olive oil on myself twice a day. Did it help? No. I still got stretch marks on my hips and lower belly as well as my breasts. Everything was going downhill ...fast!!!
After I had my baby girl and was recovering in the hospital I was advised to NOT LOOK at my c-section incision area. Both my doctor and head nurse told me to avoid looking in the mirror at all costs and that my body had gone through a major adjustment and it needed time to bounce back. Well, I did pretty well until the 3rd night at the hospital... My best friend Tiffany came to bring me magazines, food and a care package and we got to talking about the whole experience. I wanted a sponge bath from my husband who had just walked to the car to get something. I got help up from my bed and walked into the bathroom.. where was the wash cloth?? oh..by the mirror... Long story short, I glanced at my body and quickly covered up and went back in bed. I couldnt stop crying. I literally couldnt stop the tears from falling. My best friend was stroking my hair and trying to calm me down, nothing worked. I unrobed and made the poor girl observe me. I think I nearly frightened her to death with my demands of asking her to look at my body. I buzzed the nurse in and asked why my body looked the way it did... Turned out I had a heat reaction so my whole body was blotchy and swollen. I thought my incision was sewn together because I didnt want staples, I had no clue I was being held together with crazy glue!! By the time my husband came back into the room and was ready to bathe me I told him no and that he couldnt see me naked for about umm... 2 years. hhahaha. God bless his sweet self because everything I couldnt stand about myself is everything he caressed and loved all the more.
Losing the weight was harder than I thought too. I was told I would rapidly lose the swelling and weight with breastfeeding. No, again. I couldnt breast feed and I was swollen for a while later. I wasnt allowed to work out for three months after the birth of our first child because my incision area wasnt fully healed. I had started bleeding from my cut a month after my baby was born. The whole experience was painful. humbling. surreal. numbing. you name it.
when the weight finally started coming off I felt better about myself. I woud look at old modeling photos of myself and try to motivate myself and get that body back, or close to it. As things started falling into place I was being told by my husband and family the importance of having another child. I knew it was important to give my daughter a sibling for many reasons. As my sister said to me, the second baby isnt for you, its for her. She needs to have someone with her throughout her life. I couldnt agree more but was unsure when to start the process again.
My husband and I took a trip to Florence, Italy without our daughter so we could relax, sleep in, continue the romance in our marriage. However, all we thought about was our kitten. What was she doing? Did she feel our absence? Wherever we went we kept saying how much our kitten would have loved it. We took her favorite stuffed animal with us so we could smell her. Had picture texts and video sessions with my parents all along so we could see what she was up to. in other words, we were damned either way. Welcome to parenthood.
I remember eating at an outdoor restaurant and I ordered a steak salad. Something about the smell of the steak made me want to throw up. My husband said "youre pregnant, Sara" and I quickly shrugged it off. well...I was, I just didnt know it. We got back to the states and were quite excited it happened but only to have major issues that lead to a miscarriage. After the miscarriage I was a complete wreck all over again and had a long talk with my husband that I didnt think I was strong enough to go through this whole process again. Supportive and loving as he was he told me he just wanted me happy and we could revisit the thought of expanding our family when the time was right.
Well, 3 months later the time was right whether we wanted it to be or not. There was a soul in heaven that needed to come down and be born and here I am, pregnant and happy.
In the beginning of this pregnancy I was mentally preparing myself for the road ahead but it was pretty smooth with the exception of a few bumps in the road. My body isnt swelling the same, my nose hasnt gotten too much bigger, lol, my lashes are okay and I still am wearing my wedding ring. I do however have really bad dizzy spells which we found out is because I became anemic. My body isnt holding on to iron as well as it should be. I dont crave sweets as much as I did with my first pregnancy. Chicken is off the menu. The sight of chicken was making me throw up a lot in my first and half of my second trimester. I have had chronic sciatica since i was 16 and that has gotten worse unfortunately. There are days I cant get up and need help if I am laying on my back. Makes me feel old and broken. My body has definitely gotten bigger but isnt anywhere where I used to be with my first pregnancy.
Its definitely a ride and just today at lunch with my best friend, who just had a baby 4 days ago, we were talking about the magic we feel at this time in our lives. Shes done having babies and Im still up in the air if Ill do it one more time or not, my husband really wants a son. At lunch we were talking about how we need to hold on to these moments, these memories as much as possible because it is now that life stirs within me. I feel most heavenly now, I am creating life. Do I look forward to getting my body in shape again, sure, but I appreciate what this moment is right now and dont want to rush it. These are the phases of our lives. When I see my daughter play and run around with my nephews I have a deep happiness rush around inside me. I am grateful to give her a sibling, grateful for the lessons it will teach her. My husband and I will continue on with our schedules and as the years go by they will become more geared towards us again so I dont want my daughter feeling alone and forgotten. I have seen what that can do to a child and how they act out and its quite disgraceful and sad. I dont know what I would do without my sister so I feel very blessed for this new addition.
Long post tonight, but it feels good to write down some thoughts and read it back in months to come. I remember this post from when my daughter was born and look back on it fondly. Hopefully everything goes smoothly with my delivery and Ill have more pictures to show of my second daughters first moments on Earth...